how to start a flood

let’s invite an unfathomably large

amount of water to crash into us

with incredible destructive force—

let’s start our own flood !!

our flood’s scope will be that of the individual;

destruction is a catalyst for renewal

step 1. move very, very far away

the simplest way to trigger your very own, personal, flood is to move across the country. or maybe out of the country. the more unfamiliar the territory, the bigger the flood.

• moving away from home flips everything you thought you knew about the world upside down—the ways I’ve been shaped by new neighbors, new friends, and new lessons are remarkable to me.

• moving away is like repotting a plant. sometimes the roots are simply coiling in on themselves with nowhere to grow, and that’s when it’s time to move on.

• ultimately, moving away is hard, heartbreaking work.

it’s hard work to change; it’s hard work to flood the home you built for yourself and reconstruct it from scratch.

ok! fair enough

step 2. discernment

learn to discern between what YOU want vs. what other have conditioned you to want. i fiind it so hard to constantly meet myself here—checking my internal compasses—but this is how 2 grow towards the sunlight 🌱

i carve out unstructured time every week to sit with myself and draw, or write, in my notebooks… i

keep a running list called “things i want”

these are never material items, but

• I want to continue not knowing

• I want to sit beside something really old and try to listen for a while

• I want to be brave

• I want to pay a visit to some old friend i knew when i was fourteen, or maybe just myself at fourteen

step 3. let yourself get fed up!

i've discovered another way to discern what it is we really want is to listen to anger.

frustration points us towards what isn’t working. it points towards friction.

i learn so much from my anger/frustration when I choose to listen to it, rather than shove it into a little box.

if you want to start a flood, some force is probably necessary.

• reaching a tipping point, being so frustrated with my choices (or lack of choices, my un-intentionality) allowed me to recognize what aspects of life are no longer serving me

• anger is a monster in my heart that i often avoid. when i avoid it, it breaks up into tiny little shards of anxiety that come in and weaken me daily… so... allowing it to exist, acknowledging it, and grappling with it… well it shows us what we don’t want in our vicinity, in our community.

• and this, in turn, spurs us into action, to begin the process of de-cluttering (flooding) 🌷

step 4. if you’re in school, graduate

i'm sorry—there’s simply nothing like graduating and having to build your life up from scratch outside of the organized structures of school… nothing has taught me more about my weaknesses, strengths, and values (except for maybe moving away—see Step 1)

graduate and take a gap year if you’re between degrees.

a year outside of academics is like opening the dam and letting the water of yourself crash into yourself.

step 5. decide, commit, create something

if you have nothing to do, you may as well do what occurs to you !

isn’t there maybe something you’ve been putting off for a while now? a book? an album? something as simple as a poem or a song? once you start chipping away at it, you might be surprised at what changes within you, what doors open, and what is revealed to you through your work

art-making isn’t exclusively about self-expression,

it can be about curiosity, self-interrogation,

and exploring the world that extends far beyond yourself.

searching both interally and externally… far and wide… it sparks questions that trigger the flood.

or maybe the flood is already well on it’s way—maybe you’re already in the middle of your flood.

today, well into what feels like a flood of my own making, i feel small and brittle. maybe the cold air has hardened me into someone unrecognizable.

when i left florida, i knew i wanted change and challenge,

i wanted to grow—but it's impossible to recognize just how destructive uprooting your life can be until you do it. a flood damages property beyond repair, steals possessions—steals parts of ourselves.

it also leaves behind a canvas—a cleared space in which we can create.

i don’t think i’ll ever find what i lost. i know i can’t go back to who i was at 18, 19, or even a year ago at 24—but i do get to choose who i am today, and will be tomorrow.